


Perfectly Scarred

by Sweet_Freedom_Gal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Canonical Character Death, Divorce, F/M, Fake Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Marriage, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Pen Pals, Scars, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:46:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25878391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Freedom_Gal/pseuds/Sweet_Freedom_Gal
Summary: You meet Bill Weasley the summer before your fourth year, at the Quidditch World Cup, which you’d attended with your brother in all but blood, Cedric Diggory.From there, you become pen pals, and best friends, but you could never be something more. Not only was timing not on your side, but you're scarred, and he's- he's perfect.
Relationships: Bill Weasley & Reader, Bill Weasley/Reader, Cedric Diggory & Reader, Fleur Delacour/Bill Weasley, Ginny Weasley & Reader, Remus Lupin & Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 79





	Perfectly Scarred

You meet Bill Weasley the summer before your fourth year, at the Quidditch World Cup, which you’d attended with your brother in all but blood, Cedric Diggory. You’ve been fostered by the Diggorys since your first year, after you arrived at Hogwarts and were sorted into Ravenclaw, and a fellow student saw the wounds on your back, which you had tried in vain to hide. 

After the Ministry Obliviated your mother and her sadistic boyfriend, the Diggory’s offered to take you in, and when you were Petrified your second year, it was Cedric who visited you every chance he got, fretting uselessly at your bedside. That summer you played catch up with all the school you missed being a statue, and come third year, you’re- jaded. 

Going through everything you have doesn’t leave one unblemished, in body or soul. The Dementors do not help your state of unbalance. Professor Lupin comes into your compartment after hearing Cedric shouting your name as you’d begun whimpering and crying, reliving some of your worst trauma while your greatest advocate stood before you, trying to get you to snap out of it. Lupin calmly pushed Cedric to the side and spoke gently to you, instructing you to eat the chocolate he hands you.

When your eyes have cleared, you look in Lupin’s kind, scarred face, and you instantly know you've found a kindred spirit, though you hardly know why. Lupin asks after you, and after hearing the story of the scars that mark your body and the monsters that linger in your past, Lupin takes a special interest in your well being, which Cedric appreciates, as you don’t have many people in your corner. You don’t have many friends at all.

Luna Lovegood is one of the few, who is also a bit of an outcast. It’s fortunate you both live in Ottery St. Catchpole. That’s also why you know Ginny Weasley, who you promise to visit at the campsite as you meet up and look for the port key together. That’s why you show up at their campsite, and that’s where you first see William Arthur Weasley. 

Ginny introduces you to her family, and you wave politely, your intelligent, slightly guarded eyes falling onto each person as they’re introduced, and they all seem nice enough, until lastly Ginny introduces the last tall redhead, the one with an earring and a ponytail, dressed like a heartbreaker. A respectable one, but still. “And this is Bill, the eldest. He’s a curse breaker.” Your eyes light up. Curse breaking is one of your favorite topics, and you immediately make your way to Bill, who’s watching you with amusement. 

You begin to chatter away on the latest developments in Curse Breaking Theory, and Bill is intrigued. He had immediately noticed how beautiful you are, with your intelligent eyes and kind smile, but then he remembers you’re friends with his little sister, and immediately pulls his mind away from your looks and instead intends to focus on your utter brilliance. 

The thought of how pretty you are sticks around stubbornly, and Bill lets himself admit that if you were closer in age, he’d be flirting so blatantly it’d be repulsive. After Bill offers to walk you back to your tent, you both walk through the crowds, and somehow he finds himself agreeing to answer more of your questions through letter. 

The first letter you send is asking if his family’s alright after the attack on the Quidditch World Cup, and he finds your concern for his family endearing, and he returns the sentiment, asking after your brother and father. 

On your end, you know you’re falling unreasonably fast for the older man, and turn to your favorite ex-professor for guidance. Remus Lupin assures you that it's fine to fancy your older friend, but you need to be careful and keep yourself from being hurt. 

The school year begins shortly afterward, and you keep your correspondence to Bill nearly weekly. You never seem to run out of topics to explore together, and whenever he praises you for a stellar observation, you feel your heart flutter. He’s just so perfect. Sure, he’s stubborn and a bit hot-headed, but he’s-- he’s also so caring and kind and considerate-- and so  _ smart _ . 

You daydream about him, though sometimes even the thought of his undivided attention leaves you feeling flustered. He’s just so charming, even in writing! You write poetry about him, and it’s so bad you ignite it so no other soul can ever read it. You’re such a teenage girl sometimes- and you hate it. And also love it. It’s nice to feel- normal. Even for just a little while. 

But then you’ll catch a glimpse of a scar, and you’re reminded that you could never reveal all of your flawed self to someone so- perfect. You can’t burden him with your baggage. That’s why you don’t talk about your life before Hogwarts and the Diggorys. Besides, the stuff that happened back then- it doesn’t matter anymore. It can’t. 

You have Luna, and Ginny, and Amos, and Cedric. They’re enough. You wonder to yourself why you took Cedric’s perfection with a grain of salt, yet you got so caught up in Bill’s. You’re not sure, but you’ve got a theory that it’s because you don’t want or need to be Cedric’s equal in all things. 

And you need Bill to… to love you. All of you. All the parts you’ll never reveal, all the parts you loathe. You need him to see it all and say, ‘ _ I still want you _ .’ But you could never reveal the uglier parts of you to someone who deserves so much- so much more. He deserves perfection- and in your eyes, that’s not you. 

The tournament begins, and Bill listens to you fret over Cedric, and reassures you that everything will be fine. You tell him about the Yule Ball, and you send him a photo of you and your dress on the stairwell with Ginny, and he tells you that you both look stunning, and that he feels like he should be there to beat the boys back. You fight not to tell him that he doesn’t need to worry about other boys and you, as you don’t want them. 

You want  _ him _ . 

Cedric saves you from the Black Lake, and you write Bill all about it, and he admits his respect for Cedric, for caring so much for his sister. You tell him there’s no better brother than Cedric, no offense, and he responds that he’s sure you’re right. The tournament is coming to an end, and you’re so thankful, because you can’t take the pressure. You help Cedric prepare, and you think he just might win. 

The night of the tournament arrives, and when you’re visiting with Cedric before the Final Task, you spy Bill with Mrs. Weasley and Harry, and when he glances up and catches your eye, he smiles. You smile a little back, and Cedric chuckles. “Go say Hi, sis, I’ve got to go to the Champions’ tent anyway.” You look to Cedric, before lunging forward, hugging him tightly. He holds you back just as tight. “I’ll win it for you,” he whispers. You laugh a little, feeling nauseous. 

“Just come back, okay?” Cedric makes an offended look, before he sees your nerves and his face softens to a reassuring smile. 

“Of course I’ll come back to you. Nothing could keep me away.” 

You go over and sit with Bill while you wait for the last task to end, and you talk nearly the whole time, right with nerves that Bill attempts to soothe while Molly watches on with interest to distract herself from her own nerves. The way you’re clutching Bill’s hand, and the way he’s looking fondly at you… It doesn’t seem a sisterly relationship to the Weasley matriarch. 

You’re babbling to Bill about your recent studies into the Patronus charm when there’s a flash, and there’s two forms, Harry Potter clutching to the limp form of your older brother. You scramble down the stands, hearing Harry scream, “He’s back!  _ He’s back- _ ” They pull the sobbing boy away from Cedric, and you stare at his lifeless body in shock, watching as your foster father collapses, screaming. 

You feel nothing as you move towards Cedric, but someone grabs your arm, and you push them away, suddenly becoming desperate, fighting their firm grip as you begin to cry, consumed with grief and agony that _ burns _ . 

“ _ CEDRIC! _ Cedric! That’s my brother!  _ That’s my brother _ -!” You collapse into the arms of the person restraining you, sobbing, “ _ That’s my brother, my brother- Cedric, my brother- _ ” Bill just holds you in his arms as he stares at the dead body of Cedric Diggory, your brother, and in that moment, he realizes his greatest fear had just become your reality. 

You don’t stay for the end of the year. You go home to Ottery St. Catchpole, and you think of what Harry had told you through his tears as he apologized, over and over. “He told me to bring his body back to you.” 

Cedric had said nothing could keep him away, and nothing had. Not even Death. 

You stop writing Bill, because you’re grieving your best friend, your brother, and you need time. Space. 

He never stops writing, and you’re so thankful. One day over the summer, he walks up the path to your house, and when you see him, standing in your doorway, you break, and you let him catch you, and hold the broken pieces together. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he murmurs into your hair as you cry. “I’m  _ so sorry _ .” 

You’re unaware that he catches a glimpse of your scarred back because of your ill-fitting shirt he realizes is Cedric’s. Missing pieces about your childhood fall into place, and he holds you a bit tighter. He can wait for you to tell him. You’re one of his closest friends. Unknown to him, he’d do anything for you. Just like you know you’d do for him. 

When Fleur Delacour comes into the picture, you know you need to let him go. For your sake and his. She’s perfect. Perfect for someone as perfect as him. You slowly space out your responses to his letters, until it’s as infrequent as you can get without giving yourself away. You tell him it’s because of school. Grief. Umbridge. Anything but the truth, which only Ginny knows. 

“I want him to be happy,” you explain, and Ginny gives you a look. 

“And why can’t that be with you?” Your face tightens. 

“Because he’s not meant for me. We’re- We’re too different.”

“What? That’s bullshit and you know it.” Your eyes begin to shine. “What’s this really about?” she asks, voice softer. You sniff and wipe your eyes. 

“I… I love him,” you admit, and Ginny’s eyes widen. “I love him, but I can’t be with him, because I’m  _ me _ , I’m damaged goods, and he’s- he’s  _ perfect _ .” Ginny snorts, and you look up at her. 

“Maybe to you he’s perfect, but to me, he’s a flawed human being. Just like the rest of us.” You sigh and shake your head. 

“He’s not- He’s not scarred like me, Gin. He doesn’t deserve baggage like mine.” 

“And why can’t he decide that?” 

“Because he wouldn’t choose me anyway,” you cry, and Ginny’s face falls as she moves to sit beside you, an arm around your shaking shoulders. 

“Hey, you don’t know that-”   
“But I _do_ , Gin. We- We’re not meant to be. I thought maybe one day we’d fall into place, but then Cedric-... I just, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend, I can’t hold back, and right now, he wouldn’t choose me. I’m too young.” Ginny knows this is true. Timing is, unfortunately, not on your side. It’s then that a blossom of hatred for the French witch blooms within Ginny, while Bill unknowingly falls in love with Fleur, your replacement. 

Fleur is happy her Bill is no longer talking so much with that little girl, and gladly takes your place at his side as his greatest companion, though she doesn’t yet realize that only one person could fill your shoes, and it’s certainly not Fleur Delacour. 

When you cast your Patronus in the Room of Requirement, it’s a beautiful Eagle of some sort, and Ron comments, “My brother Bill’s is one of those, too. That’s wicked! Maybe I should introduce you-” 

“Ron,” Ginny cuts in sharply, and he looks to her. “Drop it.” 

“What? I was just-” Ginny’s glare turns more threatening as she sees your down turned eyes gleaming. 

“ _ Drop. It _ .” 

“Fine. I will,  _ Merlin _ .” Fred and George quirk an eyebrow each at Ginny, who’s eyes tell them she’ll tell them later. Ron wouldn’t get it, she’s sure. 

Ginny walks over to you, a hand on your arm. “Are you okay?” You sniff and nod, a fake smile quirking your lips as you lie.

“I will be.” 

After the Battle in the Department of Ministry, where you’re injured, Amos begins to make a plan. He will do  _ anything _ to protect the only child he has left. He’ll send you away, he’ll fake your death, and he’ll mourn you, because there’s a good chance he’ll never see you again. Not in this lifetime. He’ll only wait until the right moment, where there’s enough commotion it’ll be believable. 

Amos is not willing to lose another child when he knows he could’ve done more to protect them both. Cedric would approve of his planning. He would want his sister safe. It was the only selfish thing about him, that he was willing to do anything for his little sister. 

The same night that Dumbledore dies, Amos enacts his plan. You’re given no time to say goodbye, no forewarning, and you find yourself obliviated in America, your memories stored safely away in the Diggory Vault. If the day came where it was one day safe for you to live as you were, then he’d bring you back. For now, you’re- you’re as good as dead. 

The pain Bill awakes to after Greyback is nothing to the pain that rips through him when he’s told by a tearful Molly that you didn’t make it. Ginny is collapsed in her father’s arms, sobbing. One of her best friends- dead, at sixteen. A year younger than her brother was when he died. Bill just stares at the mournful face of Remus Lupin, scarred like him, scarred like you. 

“I want to see her,” Bill says firmly, forcing himself to get out of bed, but Remus’s firm hand on his chest stops him. 

“No you don’t,” Remus says firmly, and Bill glares at the older man, who’s eyes flash gold, and Bill backs down. 

“What happened to her? How did she…” No one will look at him, and he hates it. He ignores everything but his need for information. He doesn’t know what it’ll help, knowing how you died, but everything within him is just begging for this to be some sort of twisted joke.  _ This can’t be real _ , something within him growls.  _ We’d know, _ it insists. He’s not alarmed, but maybe he should be. 

“Greyback…” Arthur began, but swallowed and looked away. “Amos found her, and he- he took her home. There wasn’t- She wasn’t recognizable, except- the scars matched. I’m sorry, son.” Bill’s eyes are gleaming with tears as he feels something in his heart undeniably shatter. Grief wringing him through. 

“No- We- We haven’t talked in  _ months _ ,” he realizes as tears stream down his face, and Remus’ hand tightens on his shoulder as the redhead begins to sob, and Ginny pushes Fleur aside to dive into her brother’s arms, who ignores the agony in his body in favor of the agony in his heart. 

Your funeral is after Dumbledore’s, and it’s attended by a smaller, more intimate group. The Weasley’s, The Lovegoods, Harry, Hermione, Remus, and Amos, staring numbly at the stone beside his wife and son. “She’s… She’s gone,” Amos says, something unreadable in his shining eyes. “My little girl is… She’s gone.” 

Back in America, you examine your new room in New York City, living in the muggle world, with a lovely muggle family eager to adopt an intelligent young woman like yourself. You don’t talk about your past, or your scars. You don’t talk much at all. There’s- There’s something off about you. Something- missing. 

You don’t know what it is, but you know you need it. 

But what is it? Where is it? Why can’t you remember what- or who- you’re missing? 

Meanwhile, Bill Weasley is about to marry Fleur Delacour. The wolf within the redhead is constantly pulling him away from the silvery blonde Veela, towards something that isn’t there, but Bill is a stubborn man. 

If Fleur will have him, he’ll give himself to her. 

But never the parts of him forever reserved for you. 

You’re not there to tear his heart in two any longer, even if it still feels that way. Even if he misses you with every fiber of his being. You’re gone. You’re gone, and he’s got to accept it sometime, right? All things come with time. That’s what they say. But nothing feels right without you there. He writes letters to you nearly every night, sometimes twice a day, and he- he reads your old letters whenever he can get a moment to himself. 

He keeps your last letter folded in his dress robe’s jacket pocket. ‘ _ I’m glad that you’re happy, Bill _ ,’ it reads. ‘ _ Don’t ever think otherwise. I miss you, and I hope we can get together to have a proper chat soon. I’ve been studying some interesting texts I want your opinion of. But I understand you’re busy with the wedding. Maybe after? Hopefully I’ll be seeing you again soon _ .’ He traces your signature, and the word ‘Love’ just above it, and he blinks the tears onto his cheeks. 

“Ready, Bill?” Charlie asks, voice soft, and Bill looks up, tucking your letter away as he nods. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” It’s not a lie. He doesn’t think he’ll ever want to do this more than he does now. Fleur is lovely, and he can’t wait to marry her, but throughout the whole ceremony, he can’t help but think of how you’d look in white, and he can’t see you marrying just some guy, but when he dances with Fleur with his eyes closed, he can almost picture it. You and him, dancing slowly in a low lit room, finding comfort, finding home in each other’s arms. 

It’s as he pulls back to look into Fleur’s eyes, that he realizes something. 

It should’ve been you. 

The war is over for two months when they discover Amos Diggory’s will, enchanted to only be opened by one Harry James Potter, if he should conquer over Lord Voldemort. Harry’s brow is furrowed as he opens it, before his eyes light up. He looks to Arthur Weasley. 

“She’s not dead.”

Ginny is ecstatic when she gets the news, because after losing a brother, she needs some kind of victory, and getting her long lost best friend back is a blessing. She apparates to Shell Cottage with the news glowing in her face. When Bill opens the door, Ginny is alarmed by how dull his once brilliant blue eyes are. 

“Bill-  _ She’s alive _ .” 

Instantly, he knows who she’s speaking of. 

“What?  _ How? _ ” 

“Amos obliviated her and got her out of the country. She’s been living as a muggle in America without her memories of her past or magic, and Dad has just gone to get her- She’s coming home, Bill!” Bill collapses against his doorway, a scarred hand coming to wipe at his teary eyes. “She’ll be staying with us until Hogwarts. Are you… Are you going to come and see her?” Bill swallows. 

“I- I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he says, even as the wolf within him is clawing at his heart, demanding he give into his instincts and find you and finally do what’s right and natural and make you  _ his _ . But he can’t. He- He’s committed himself to one woman, and against all odds- that woman isn’t you.

He sits at his breakfast table, staring at the moving photo of you with Ginny at the Yule Ball. You look so beautiful. He almost doesn’t believe it- that you’re back. But other parts of him, mainly the wolf and the man hopelessly in love, they had never truly accepted you were gone. They couldn’t. 

In the photo you smile that understated smile of yours, arm hooked with Ginny’s. You’re wearing a conservative dress to hide your many scars, and he holds back the raging beast of grief within. He wonders how you’ll cope, knowing that the only father figure you knew had taken away your agency to save you, knowing you wouldn’t ever willfully abandon your friends. Your family. He wonders how you’ll deal with that along with the grief of Amos’s death. Not to mention that Remus is also gone. 

When Fleur comes home from working late, she sees the photo in his hand and holds back a saddened sigh. The blonde is about to do what she always does when Bill’s like this- overwhelmed by his grief for you, in a place she could never save him from- and leave him be, when Bill’s hoarse voice breaks the silence, low and agonized. “She’s not dead.” Fleur’s eyes watch Bill evenly, wondering if tonight is another night he battles his denial, when he continues. “Amos obliviated her and faked her death. They found a letter for Harry in his will, along with her memories…” It’s quiet for a long moment. “She’s coming back,” he whispers, a blossom of hope in his voice. 

“Oh.” Fleur doesn’t know what to say, but she knows what she has to do. 

It’s a few days later that Bill comes home to see all of Fleur’s things gone, and he looks to the tearful blonde in confusion. “Beel,” she begins, accent thick with her tears, “I am not the one you need, and we both know eet. I ‘ave signed de papers, you weel as well, and then I weel go back to France, and you- you weel go to her.” Bill feels guilty, and the immense feeling of relief only makes it worse. Fleur still looks like a goddess, even after crying for hours, but- She was never his goddess. He signs the papers. 

“I’m sorry, Fleur.” 

“Eet is okay.” There’s a sad, understanding look on her beautiful face. “We cannot help who we love.” With that, she grabs her bags and the papers, turns, and leaves. 

You stand in the entry hall of Diggory Keep, feeling alien in a place that should’ve felt like home. A place that once had. But that sense of home, that sense of belonging- It’s gone. It disappeared in bits and pieces, but it’s only now that every last remnant of it is buried in the ground that it hits you. 

You’re alone. 

You’ve been staying at the Burrow after being released from St. Mungos, Mrs. Weasley treating you like you’re one of her own. You finally got the chance to sneak away when news came of Fleur and Bill’s divorce. You- You just needed to see, with your own eyes, that the only family you knew was well and truly- gone. 

And you’re still here. 

Alone. 

There’s a firm knock on the front door, and when you open it to reveal the man you’d been dreaming of in bits and pieces these last few months, scarred and yet still undeniably perfect, you feel yourself break, and you let him catch you. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you cry into his chest as he holds you almost too tightly, and you look up into his beautiful face, into his shining blue eyes, bright as ever, shining with what you know has to be what’s shining in yours. 

Love. 

Love and sadness and grief. 

He whispers your name, awe dawning across his face like a new day dawns over a war torn place that you once knew like the back of your scarred hand. You reach up to trace his face, wiping the tears from his scarred cheeks. “You’re still so goddamn perfect,” you whisper, and he grins widely, before crushing your mouth to his in a heated kiss you feel all the way down to your toes. 

You’re inexperienced, and are happy to let him take the lead, consuming you in every way he can, your tears mixing with his. “I love you,” he whispers, and you pull back to look at him in shock. “I love you so much, every part of you, even the scarred parts that I never- I never got to tell you I saw. You’ll always be perfect to me, you always have been.” 

A grin spreads across your face and you beam at the love of your life. “I dreamed of you every night. Even when I didn’t know who you were, I missed you. I love you, too, Bill, so much.” You both smile at each other for a long moment, basking in the other’s presence, before Bill can’t hold back any longer and blurts- 

“Marry me.” 

Shock. “What?” 

“Marry me,” he says, firmly, and all you can do is stare. “After losing you, I married Fleur, and I- I realized that it should’ve been you. I’ve missed you every day, and I don’t want to spend another day apart. So, please, marry me. Marry me, so I don’t ever have to let you go again.” 

It only takes you a second to respond. 

“Yes- I-  _ Yes _ ! I’ll marry you, of course I will. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Bill. No one but you.” You’re kissing again, and your hands are buried in his hair, and you’ve never felt this way before, and it’s scary, but it’s welcome. It- It feels a lot like finding a new home. 

A home in his perfectly scarred arms. 

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think!


End file.
